The Wall

June 19th, 2010. After a late afternoon rally by the Darger assault troops, the mighty, FORCE-RECON specialist, No.51, was called into action with hopes of putting the Dargers in a position for a last-ditch raid on the giant, walled fortress of Fenway. The hired gun, however, was unable to hold off the battlemented Bostonians.
L is for LP not EP

Monstruoso

June 18th, 2010. The Darger riflers were overrun on Friday night by a monstrous effort by the Bostonian minutemen. No.37, and his immediate successor, No.38, were slaughtered during the setback, showing little or no aptitude to command troop movement at this level of military action. The breakdown of the Darger's air-defenses left the big, mobile guns of Traffic Town exposed, and they were unable to mount a meaningful assault against the ancient fortress of Fenway.
L is for Verde.

Matinee of Mayhem

June 17th, 2010. With a poised index finger posing as a mustache, the young charlatan, Number 48, was hoping to gradually stroll onto the Great American Battlefield, and waltz away with an easy rout of any enemy regiment willing to show up this morning. Instead, he was pounced upon by a group of local militiamen, fully exposing him as the raw, inexperienced, recruit that he rightfully is. The rookie commander was often off-target, and  failed to maintain air superiority, which allowed a resilient city time to mount a well-timed counter-attack, which resulted in a timely withdraw for the Darger mobilized forces. With the frontal advance cut-off, the mighty howitzers of Traffic Town were out of range, unable to complete the sacking of Cincinnati.
L is for Legoland of Lost Liberties.

12 Dozen Tons

June 15th, 2010. The tanks rolled out of Traffic Town in the early dawn on Monday, setting a course 2,200 miles across the great, dividing states, and landing them back in action on the Great American Battlefield. By Tuesday evening, the Dargers had arrived at the outskirts of Porkopolis, and unfurled a massive attack upon the bloodstained bulwarks of the city's inner defenses. The blitzkrieg propelled the Darger assault well into the forefront of the battle. Then, after a magnificent bank of thunderclouds rolled through the demilitarized zone, causing a temporary truce, the Dargers, behind the killing machinations of No.15 and No.99, unleashed a ferocious attack, resulting in a deadly rout of the Ohio National Guardsmen.
W is for Kent State.

The Manson/Nixon Line

June 13th, 2010. Having just paced myself awake from a short nap, I slowly began to pick myself up from off the sticky, kitchen floor. There was apple juice pooled at the base of the refrigerator, and there was blood running down my hand. Darger was silhouetted in front of the window, blocking out the late afternoon sun. There was smoke rising from his body, and the smell of him made my head hurt.
    "Jesus Christ! You stupid idiot!" I shouted. Dizzy, I immediately layed back down on the floor, shut my eyes, and angrily added, "That was the last of the apple juice, you dumb scumbag!"
    I wanted to jump up, and tackle him- sending him crashing through the big, black, granite, kitchen sink.
I wanted to bash his head into a board of broken nails.
I was so angry, I felt like driving a burning, pickup truck down his throat. Yet, all the anger and hatred that I felt paled in comparison to the dark, violent, rage I had witnessed from Darger earlier, when we had learned that Traffic Town had just been swept in the Freeway Series by the I-5 interlopers from down south.
L is for Helter-Skidaddle.

Lagging Rights

June 12th, 2010. The street-fighting within the immediate vicinity of Chavez Ravine continued late into the summery, Saturday night, with the hallowed victory going to the intrusive, intrastate, I-5 foe from the valley of shopping malls and suburbian sprawl just south of the Manson/Nixon Line. 
L is for Never leave a man on base!

A Feast of Firsts

June 11th, 2010. Karen's last day of Kindergarten, coincidentally falling on the last day of my summer vacation, was supposed to be a celebration- a time to reflect, snap a few photos, and dine on cupcakes- so I was fortunate enough to drop by a little later than normal yesterday, practically missing the closing ceremony entirely. Big Karen glared at me when I entered the back of the school gymnasium, and when I bumped into the back row of plastic chairs - the kind can you buy at the Food-4-All - Little Karen followed suit.
    A short time later, I was frantically devouring a small bounty of conciliatory chocolate cake when they walked past me on their way to the buffet table. "Hey First Grader!" I sang out.
    "I'm not in First grade, yet." snarled Little Karen. "I'm Post-K." she added, as she grabbed the plastic plate piled high of guilty pleasure from my hand.
    "Okay, Post-K." I said. "There's no rush."
    But she was already gone. She was grabbing a handful of gummi worms from the elaborate spread put before her by the graduation committee committed to fortifying the children with superfluous confections. Big Karen was standing beside me now.
    I tried to rally. "Post-K? She belongs in Special-K!" I laughed.
    Big Karen elbowed me in the chest.
    "You're such a boob." she muttered. Then she, too, reached for the bowl of sugary, little snakes.
L is for Value the Child Left Behind.

Dead Bird Falling

June 9th, 2010. On Wednesday night, the Dargers defeated the Arch enemy from Missouri for the third straight day, sending the beaten band of barons back to the river bend. The Darger regulars hope to build on the strong momentum as they gear up for a highly anticipated conflict with their neighbors driving up Interstate 5 from El Ciudad de Raton de Miguel.
W is for Kriegsheld .

Topped Gun

June 8th, 2010. For the second day, the citizens of Traffic Town rushed the hours away, driving in the anxiety-riddled heat, waiting for the renowned, red flying ace to take flight. Nonetheless, a promotional-sized crowd turned out to witness to the sky battle. 
   Matching his aerial adversary in every aspect of effort, effectiveness, and emotion, No.18 fought, perhaps, his best battle of the 2010 campaign. He baffled the buschwhackers with his battle plan, allowing the Darger ground forces time to draw the opposing army into a war of attrition- ultimately, grounding the enemy ace. The departure opened the door for No.99, who promptly launched a compliant rocket blast over the overstretched defenses who had been trying to overrun the ravine.  Any thought of a retaliatory strike from the nuclear superpower was eradicated by the celebrational big gun, No.51.
W is for Cardinal fin.

Aim Low-Shoot High!

June 7th, 2010. The city of Traffic Town was put on high alert Monday with the arrival of the arch-rival warmongers from the central plains. Swirling rumors of an Atomic bomb being detonated over Chavez Ravine paralyzed traffic throughout the city.
    Much to the relief of the Darger's and the local citizenry, the rumors turned out to be just that, and the invading horde was pounced upon by a ready and able, mechanized fighting machine. It was the mightiest onslaught of firepower displayed by the Darger artillerymen since the earliest weeks of the war effort. Displaying the morale and fighting aptitude of an everyday soldier, Number 33, led the attack with multiple rocket strikes and a mile-high howitzer blast late in the assault. 
    The fresh-faced, air defenses, anchored by No.37, held up quite well, and kept the squadron of Atom bomb dropping red birds out of range for the night. But, on Tuesday, the fear and loathing will surely set in again, as the Red Baron is on deck to take to the skies.
W is for Fliegerabwehrkanone.

Darger Day

June 6th, 2010. On a sunny, sky-filled, Sunday, sixty-six years after the Allied forces crash-landed on the bloody shores of Normandy Beach, the Dargers of Traffic Town attentively stormed back from multiple deficits to drowned out the penchant, pennant-chasing, rebel yells from the Peach State. The back-up planning of No.17 and No.55 eventually paid off for the home army, giving them a brief respite from the daily disorder of war, and an opportunity to refortify before another week of fighting resumes tomorrow.
W is for War Paint.

Pow-Wow

June 4th, 2010. On Friday night, under the illuminated bursts of the white phosphorous ordinance exploding over the war-ravaged terrain of Chavez Ravine, the Darger paramilitary troops beat back the streaking, brave, warriors from the Southeast. The Traffic Town army maintained an aggressive edge on the front lines, then rallied late behind an accurately placed Tomahawk missile strike from Number 7.
W is for Muskogee Confederacy

In-Action

June 3rd, 2010. On Thursday night, a tribe of braves, hot off the warpath, 2,200 miles from the sweltering, urban, sprawl of Atlanta, won the 1st of four planned battles here in Traffic Town. The Darger artillery was again stalled, putting a strain on the civil defense resources. Peacekeeping forces will be put to the test this weekend as the long war begins to stretch it's summer legs.
L is for Tonto.

PLAYER2: 1UP

June 1st, 2010. For the second day, the ongoing conflict between the transverse, desert armies turned heated, with neither side able to account for any amount of strategic headway. Both of the professional forces wrestled for control of the field with fluid and coordinated mobilization. The Darger Command ordered No.48, backed by a full regiment of career soldiers, to wreck havoc on the determined, diamondbacked insurgents .
    The young, go-getter matched battlefield bravado with his veteran  war adversary at every turn on Tuesday; not allowing a single enemy combatant to cross the 38th parallel. The ineffectiveness of the Darger cannons allowed the battle to extend beyond the usual timeline of contention, setting up yet another dramatic finish.
    The stage was set for the signature saving graces of the just recently re-deployed No.16, but the heroics belonged to Number 27 when he preemptively delivered a single, devastating cruise missile deep into the cold, coiled, heart of the Arizona defenses.
W is for Wario

The Artful Darger

May 31st, 2010. Through the thick, savory, smoke of Barbeque Hour, on a Memorial Day honoring the countless number of soldiers killed during the Nation's endless warring streak dating back to The War Between The States some 150 years ago, the Traffic Town food-for-powder were thrown right into the fire Monday, as Number 58 let his defenses down, and was ambushed by a hit-and-run Reptoid squad fresh from the hot, hot, borders of the Arizona sun city. 
    The hungry crowd that had gathered for the sun-setting showdown-  those who were not safe at home, basking in the mouth-watering rituals of Carne Asada- witnessed a wild, bamboozling, finish that was as medium-rare as it was daring! After No.99 had brought the Darger army within striking distance with an earlier bombshell over the slithering, picket-line of Arizona offenses, and some erroneous maneuvering by the slandering enemy, Number 23, bluffed a forward advance that hoodwinked the ill-hatted, enemy commander out of his snake hole. The old army game quite literally allowed No.23 to walk right through the enemy lines, and capture the victory, unhanded. 
W is for Booby Traps!

Rocky Mountain Rebound

May 30th, 2010. On Sunday, The Darger infantry managed to out-flank the Rocky Mountain militia in a daring, late afternoon, all-or-nothing, deployment that secured another battlefield win for Gen. Glory and his road-weary warriors. Number 22 held the Mountaineers in check for most of the fracas, before his replacements arrived to barricade the escape routes out of the militarized zone. The Dargers will now return to Traffic Town for another showdown with the Reptillian Shapeshifters from the deserts of Arizona.
W is for Mile High Fructose Corn Syrup

Rocky Mountain Low

May 29th, 2010. The Dargers were demolished in the Rocky Mountaintop fighting on Saturday night. No. 18 was pounded by the opposition, and the troops look to regroup and mount another charge on Sunday.
L is for el Hangover.

Rocky Mountain High

May  28th, 2010. Number 99 led a late charge to give the Darger army a rallying victory in the mountaintop municipality on Friday night in the first of three battles scheduled for the Memorial Day weekend.
W is for Beer Night

All is Quiet on the Mid-Western Front

May 27th, 2010. The Dargers were turned away from the Chicagoland slums on Thursday in a gritty street fight, where they were led by the upstart Number 48, in his first return to his hometown since enlisting in the Traffic Town war machine. The young rifler performed magnificently throughout much of the afternoon before being caught in a crossfire that eventually did in the Darger forces. The offensive was stalled for the second time in three days without the support of it's legendary artillery might.
L is for You can't go home again.

Lights Out!

May 26th, 2010. No.58 led a rejuvenated, mobilized armor division into the historic killing fields of Chicagoland, for another nighttime Darger assault on Wednesday. A quick, preemptive strike allowed the Darger ground troops to advance unabetted, and fortify a forward position within artillery range of the ivy covered walls of the Bastille.
    One of six Dargers to score direct hits on the enemy fortress, No.7 fired 1 round short of a full magazine on the M107 .50 Caliber(LRSR), in a manly display of marksmanship. Oddly, the Defense Communications and Surveillance Network was again compromised, resulting in a mysterious 18 minute power outage. Both armies have been seen massing on the south-side, preparing for a final skirmish slated for Thursday afternoon.
W is for "Where were you when the lights went out?"